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More Like a Father: Kay’s Story of Grief, Support, and Finding Light After Loss
After losing her grandfather, Kay turned to KEMP’s Family Support & Bereavement Service to help her navigate the challenges of grief. She shares how the service helped her process her emotions, find ways to remember her grandfather, and begin to look forward to the future with hope.
“His name was Arthur Summers, and he was the funniest man I ever knew. He was always pulling your leg or having a prank, he was just a really sweet man, quite generous, just more of a father figure than a grandfather figure, because I didn’t really have a father figure present in my life. So just filled in for all the gaps that probably a father would. He treated me like a daughter more than anything.
Really ever since I was a kid, he’s just always been there. Always took me to nice places and spent a lot of time with me. Just everything that a kid could hope for, that’s what grandad was. To me he was a fantastic man, just in general. Kind, sweet, generous, funny, just everything. Great man.”
“He passed away about four years ago now, this year. It was just probably one of the biggest struggles I’ve ever had, really. It’s like I’ve lost family members before, only a few, which I’m really fortunate for. But his death hit in a way that I wasn’t expecting.
I tried very hard to be the strong one for everyone for a long time. I overworked too much to try to shut out that he was gone. Because my brain kind of knew it, but it also knew that no matter how much I’d begged, wished or cried, he wasn’t going to come back. And I think I tried to run from that to forget things or to not think about it, and then the second you stop, you hope it doesn’t catch up with you. I put up with it for a long time, but then I also have an eating disorder and that got worse and worse as well, along with the distress that he wasn’t here anymore. And then I realised that I was getting to the point where maybe taking my own life was a viable option to kind of escape it all. And then contacted the doctors, and they’re the ones who pushed me towards KEMP.
Honestly, it’s the best thing that I’ve done because I feel ready this year for the new year as well to kind of face it in a better light. And also, Christmas. He was a massive part of Christmas.
He was basically my Christmas. If he was there, it was going to be a good Christmas. But without him, it’s been just a massive, just landslide.
So I’m actually looking forward to Christmas this year. I decorated my house yesterday. Haven’t done that in years! I just want to enjoy this year without him in a healthy way. And I feel like I can do that this year because, I’ve had a lot of sessions where I’ve talked through those hard feelings. And it’s worked really well, actually.”
“So, properly talking about the bereavement process and actually realising that the feelings that were there, it’s perfectly OK to feel that way. It’s OK to ask for help.
It’s OK to talk through those hard things. And sometimes easier to talk with someone that isn’t family or a friend because you feel a bit conflicted talking to close people sometimes, because you don’t want to worry them or you don’t necessarily want them to see that struggle. Whereas when you’re opposite someone that understands this from a professional point of view as well as also being empathetic, it’s almost a relief, to be honest.
Talking through those hard bits has helped me step back, reassess and just approach it from a slightly different angle.
Katy she was fantastic. She doesn’t make you like rush through things. She’ll take time to properly sit you down, let you talk about the points that you need to talk about and just really listen and offer supportive ideas or go through supportive activities. We did a salt jar at one point of memories related to granddad and all the fun things that we did. You had some salt and you put that thought while you were colouring the salt and then you put it into the jar with maybe a few little sequences that represented the event or something that you felt represented that person or that memory. That was really good. And that sits at home by my picture of granddad. And I just like looking at it.
That’s been really beneficial. And if I’m having a bit of a hard day, I can look at that and think about that process. And I know that I can do it again if I need to, or just approach harder feelings with more of a constructive mind rather than letting myself run away and get messy. And that’s been really helpful.”
“I’d say, if I compare me back then, and me now, it’s almost like a renewed a sense of, okay, yes, it’s happened. Yes, it’s sad, but we can enjoy life and we can enjoy those things without maybe feeling guilty that he’s not here. Just a sense of freedom, almost a bit of relief.
I don’t have to constantly wear the necklace around my neck that’s in memory of him to feel and it’s okay to take it off. I don’t have to feel guilty. Whereas I couldn’t do that before. But now I can, and it’s just nice to be able to approach things again in a slightly fresh way where I don’t feel all that heaviness.
So, me then, very heavy, very not great. Me now, a lot lighter, a lot easier to move forward, which is nice. I can go out and actually do things that Grandad and I would have enjoyed. But don’t have to feel guilty or sad. I can feel happy and think, oh, he would have enjoyed that.
I’m just really grateful for KEMP. Seriously, it has changed my perspective on the world a lot.
Because it was getting to a really bad place where maybe I wouldn’t…This may have been the difference between me being here now or not, which sounds quite drastic, but it’s a sad fact. So, I’m just grateful for Katie and the service. And I think more people do need to know about it because it could be that difference for them.
It could literally be the difference of them being able to move on with life. Because grief is nasty and it holds you back. Even if you think it doesn’t, there’s always that little impact. I feel grateful that I’m now able to approach things in a better way.”
Learn more about KEMP’s Family Support and Bereavement Services.
After losing his sister, Travis shares how children’s grief counselling helped him cope with loss, manage emotions, and find hope through bereavement support.
After losing his mom, Simon found support through KEMP’s bereavement counselling, learning to process grief and navigate fatherhood.
