After losing his mom, Simon found support through KEMP’s bereavement counselling, learning to process grief and navigate fatherhood.
Simon’s Story
Losing a Mom, Becoming a Dad: How Counselling Helped Simon process his grief
Simon, a father in his early thirties, recently received counselling support from KEMP’s Family Support & Bereavement Service as he found himself trying to navigate the emotions of grief alongside the demands of family life. He shares how counselling helped him process his loss, offered a safe place to express his emotions and be vulnerable.
How did you hear about KEMP?
“One of the parents at my son’s school lost her mom and dad in the space of a couple of years and used KEMP’s bereavement services, and at the time she said, ‘is that something you’d do?’ I’m quite open anyway and quite good at expressing my emotions but I’d not really thought about it. My Mom had passed away 2 days after my birthday in September 2023. It was out of the blue; it was sudden, she had a blood clot in her leg and instantly died. One day, life was normal, and the next it was “What’s life now?”
What led you to decide to contact KEMP for bereavement counselling?
Simon took time to process and grieve his mum’s death before reaching out to KEMP for bereavement counselling. “I thought I needed to digest everything before I could speak to someone and maybe understand where I was in my own head before expressing all my feelings.
Mom passed away in the September, Archie (my second son) was born in the December 2023, and then my wife, who was on maternity leave, got made redundant in the summer of 2024. I thought, “Is there anything else?” After that year, I knew I needed to speak to someone because I felt like I had got to the point where I needed to talk.”
Can you tell us about your mom?
“My mom, Annette (known as Netta) was a real beautiful soul. She taught me a lot without knowing. She’s just an incredible person, all around. She was a really strong woman that dealt with everything. When she passed away, she was 63. And It’s almost like you feel robbed, I can’t get rid of that feeling of feeling robbed, as I know people live till their 80, 90. She’d have loved to see her grandkids grow up Teddy and Archie, she was an incredible nan to Teddy and no doubt would have been to Archie. My mom had a way about her where she just brought calm to us, especially raising two boys. She shaped the man I am today and I’m forever grateful for the lessons and guidance she gave me. It doesn’t matter how old you are, a boy always needs his mom.
We had my mom cremated and have a family plot next to our family church, and Ted, (my eldest son) he calls it Nanny’s special place… these things aren’t something you think about daily that you’re going to have to deal with, but now all of a sudden it’s reality.
You reflect on a lot, at 63 you’re not young, but you’re not old either. Mom had so much life to live. You get so wrapped up in the world, and I would do anything to have my mom sat here spending time with her grandchildren. Time with loved ones is so important and nothing else should really matter. Life is busy for everyone and it’s easy not to fully appreciate that time.”
What would you say to someone thinking about therapy?
“Just do it. Be open enough and vulnerable enough to talk about whatever your problems may be. The understanding of it from my point of view is that my mom died. It opens your eyes… At first, I don’t think it really hit me, I just had to deal with it. When a significant person in your life dies, for some people, that ruins their life as they don’t know how to cope. Just by having a conversation an hour a week, it’s so important.
The service at KEMP is exceptional. I would express to anybody, whatever situation it is, whether it’s bereavement or anything, to just speak to someone who’s neutral, that’s not a family member or friend. When I spoke to Katy, I felt vulnerable, and I’ve never had that. I think it’s because you talk about things you don’t necessarily discuss on a daily basis.”
“It’s nice speaking to someone knowing that everything you say is just you and them. Before I spoke to KEMP, I had 5 weeks off work, as I was physically and emotionally exhausted, I just said my head’s not at work. And they asked if I was depressed but I just needed headspace and time to think about things. I must admit I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much doing counselling. You sit there and there’s certain things brought up, my nan, relationship with my dad, all these things, you bury everything as life’s happening instead. I said some days I’d come here and I just cry. That’s good though, everyone has emotions and it’s how you deal with them. It makes a huge difference, and it doesn’t matter what age you are. I just think whatever you have been through or whatever you struggle with, it’s so important to talk.”
Learn more about KEMP’s Family Support and Bereavement Services.