Half of Me: Travis’s Journey Through Loss

This year’s Children’s Grief Awareness Week theme is Sharing Stories, Strengthening Hope. At KEMP Hospice, we offer Family Support and Bereavement Services to children as young as 5. Our caring professionals are here for everyone across the Wyre Forest area, even when the death of a loved one isn’t linked to a life-limiting illness. 

Travis came to KEMP for bereavement counselling after his sister Lil died unexpectedly. Here is his story.  

“Half of Me: Travis’s Journey Through Loss”

“I came back from school on the Friday and was eating my dinner at the table when my sister, Lil, came downstairs. We were laughing and joking as we always did. It felt good to have her home, as she usually spent weekends at her boyfriend’s relatives’ house. She picked up my phone and started joking around, taking photos of me while I was eating, from all sorts of mad angles. I remember it so clearly, as I still have those photos on my phone today. They were the last of many funny pictures and videos I have of us.

After dinner, I went upstairs to play online on my Xbox with my friends for a couple of hours. Then my sister came into my room to say she was heading off and asked if I wanted to come outside to see her boyfriend’s new car before she left. I said I didn’t want to, so we said goodbye, and she told me she loved me.

She left, and the rest of that night I stayed up playing with my mates until late, laughing and shouting.”

The day everything changed

The next day, I woke up late at around 11am. I headed downstairs in my dressing gown, already feeling low. This stands out to me because I’d been feeling consistent peace and happiness for two months before that day. I sat at the table to eat my breakfast, but then I got a bit of a telling off from my mum and stepdad for waking them up in the night with all the noise I’d been making while gaming. So I headed upstairs, sat at my desk, and started scrolling through my phone.

I was just about to get in the shower when suddenly I heard my mum screaming—really screaming. My heart froze. I didn’t know what could have happened. At first, I tried to tell myself maybe the dog was hurt, but that didn’t fit with how she was screaming. It sounded inhuman, and it wasn’t stopping.

My heart started to race as I realised something was seriously wrong, so I quickly got dressed. I rushed downstairs and saw my mum bright red and flustered, pacing around the living room, dropping to her knees, saying “No, no, no,” and screaming. I didn’t know what was going on. My stepdad Andy was outside on the phone, and he looked scared too. I tried to calm my mum down for about twenty minutes, but I couldn’t. She couldn’t tell me what had happened.

I went upstairs and tried calling my auntie, but she didn’t answer. So I rang my nan. My heart was pounding, and I was shocked when she answered in the same state as my mum. When I asked what was going on, she just said through tears, “She’s dead. They’re saying she’s dead.” My heart started beating even faster as I realised it was my sister. It was an indescribable feeling.

The police came over—I can’t remember how long after—and then family started arriving. It’s all a blur, but I remember my nan hugging me on the sofa.

The following days, weeks, and months are almost impossible to describe. I felt every emotion all at once. I remember crying only a couple of times in that first week. On the Monday, we went to the crash site with family and the police. We had to buy flowers and balloons to take there. I remember standing in the shop with my mum, choosing them, and I just burst into tears and cried all the way there.

Grief and Healing

“At the crash site, I remember Andy speaking to the police, and us all looking down the long road at the tyre marks and debris, talking about how fast he must have been going to split an electricity pole in half. I remember laying the flowers and lighting candles. Everyone was devastated.

Lil’s funeral was held on my cousin’s birthday, which sadly got forgotten about. My 15th birthday was five days later. I remember walking into the church and when the singing started, I couldn’t stop crying. My cousin was also really upset—it hit me because I had never seen him cry before. My grandad just stared at the floor with tears in his eyes. He’s always been the one to make us laugh.

I think I started coping a bit better with the loss around the six-month mark. I went back to school after four weeks, and I felt so anxious. A year later, I had to sit my GCSEs, and I genuinely expected to fail all of them—but I didn’t. I passed them all. It was the first real sense of joy and happiness I had felt since Lil’s death. That happiness carried me through the summer holidays, but when I started Year 12 it hit me again. I didn’t know what to do anymore or what my purpose was.”

Living with loss and finding support

“Counselling has helped me understand what’s going on in my head. Talking about it helps you come to terms with it. Learning coping strategies, like breathing techniques, has also helped me take my mind off the loss sometimes.

Two years on, and in some ways, it feels worse than at the beginning. That crushes all the hope I have of things getting better. I struggle with guilt whenever I feel happy, because I think of Lil and how she’s not here to experience those moments too. I’ve also developed anxiety, which I never had before she died—and that’s been really hard to deal with. But through KEMP, I’ve been able to talk about all of this, and that’s helped me learn how to manage it and understand how grief works.

I still think about Lil every single day—mostly the way we used to laugh together. I have so many funny memories of us. Without her, a lot of that joy has gone too. It feels like I’ve lost half of myself. We spent nearly every second together, and people used to call us twins—and that’s exactly how it felt.”

Travis’s journey through loss highlights hope too, recognising that despite bereavement, there are still opportunities and moments to celebrate. By understanding his emotions and talking, Travis has learned coping strategies through his counselling at KEMP.

Find out more about KEMP’s Family Support and Bereavement Services.

Learn more about Children’s Grief Awareness Week.

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