Having lost her husband Craig in December 2023 aged just 43 years old, Deb has been navigating life as not just a young widow, but also, as a mum to three children.
Facing life without your partner in your early 40’s is almost unimaginable, but for Deb, it’s her reality. Having lost her husband Craig in December 2023 aged just 43 years old, Deb has been navigating life as not just a young widow, but also, as a mum to three children.
We recently sat down with Deb who told us about the journey she has faced, and continues to face every day, and how accessing KEMP services has helped her to navigate the challenges that brings…
Deb’s Story
“As a family, we did everything together. Myself, Craig and three kids, Harry 6, Frankie 8, and Lilly, 12 were inseparable. So when Craig was admitted to Worcester Hospital on New Year’s Eve 2022 and ended up staying for 3 months, it was very challenging and a big shock.
Craig’s pain was unbearable. He couldn’t sit down at all and three weeks after being admitted, he was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer. I visited Craig in hospital every day, always meeting in the canteen as he didn’t want us to be on the ward at that time. He was a private person and was trying to protect me from the full extent of his diagnosis.
At the end of March, Craig was released from hospital and underwent intense radiotherapy for 28 days back-to-back. The impact of the treatment was that Craig had burns from his waist to below his groin both front and back. It was like he’d had boiling hot water thrown over him. Looking back, it was insane that Craig put himself through this, but he was told it might buy us a little bit of time and he would do anything he could to be here with his family.
In May, I received a call from Dr Curtis, and it was at this point she told Craig that he needed to tell me the truth of his diagnosis. Despite his protests, he eventually told me that he had been told he wouldn’t make it to Christmas.”
Support from KEMP Hospice Team
“It was at this point that the finance and welfare team from KEMP Hospice got in touch. Craig was self-employed, so as of December 2022 he was no longer earning. We had savings to use, but it was an extra pressure and another level that we hadn’t considered. I always just assumed he’d go back to work. KEMP were wonderful in helping us to understand our financial options. We had also always planned to get married, so the KEMP team helped us to make it happen and they were able to fast track our license.
We were also given access to the Family Support team which I took up their support as soon as possible. It was such a relief to have that support to fall back on. It was one day I had been in to see my KEMP Counsellor, when I walked past the Day Hospice area. As I walked through, I heard all the laughter and joy that was radiating from the room, and I just knew I had to get Craig to come along.
Craig was always a sociable person, but his diagnosis had such an impact on his mental health, he just shut the world out. When I heard the joy in KEMP Day Hospice, I just thought how amazing it would be for him to be there. I went home and had a chat with him and though he was adamant he wouldn’t enjoy it, he agreed to give it a try.
The referral went in and soon after Emma from KEMP came out to visit us at home to discuss our options. They got on so well from the start, and it was arranged for Craig to begin attending on a Wednesday.”
Finding fun at KEMP Day Hospice
“Far from the sad, scary place Hospice’s are often believed to be, Craig enjoyed it straight away. In his first week, he made lovely jewellery boxes for the girls in Creative Therapy. Craig also made Harry a wooden snake. He painted it and wrote his name on as their favourite thing to do was snake hunting! Craig wasn’t one for having many possessions so having him make something for each of us means more than anything money could buy.
One of the final things Craig did at Day Hospice was make a Christmas cake. Sadly, it became apparent there wouldn’t be time to feed the cake the brandy it would usually have, and the KEMP team fast tracked it so he could bring his cake home for us.
One day, Craig had a blocked catheter. This had happened before, so he was taken to hospital as usual, but after he left, I got a call 20 minutes later to say his lung had collapsed. It became apparent that his tumour had spread and was now causing his lung to deflate.
One thing Craig wanted more than anything, was to die at home. I think he knew on that morning it was time, we looked at each other and just knew.”
Craig died in December 2023, just weeks before Christmas.
Craig’s wish for a Christmas for the kids
“It’s thanks to KEMP Hospice and some of the other parties involved that he was able to do be at home when the time came. You’re never ready for that moment, but it’s thanks to the support we received that I was informed and was given information to help me understand some of the things that might happen.
Christmas was hard, but I did everything I could for the kids. Craig was adamant that Christmas should still happen and that the kids should have everything they want this year. To have the Christmas cake he made in Day Hospice meant so much. It gave us a strange sense of comfort, it felt like he was with us, knowing how much effort he put in to make the cake for us.”
Continuing support to help our family
“After Craig’s death, I and our kids were able to continue to access KEMP Family Support. The team have been incredible at tailoring the sessions for each of us, particularly tuning into the needs of the kids. Harry has loved the Minecraft sessions and it’s given him a focus at home too. Quite often he’ll come in to me in a morning and ask, ‘What should I put in Dad’s memory garden?’
We even visited Day Hospice on Valentines Day. We wanted to take some doughnuts in for Dad’s friends. It was so wonderful to sit with them and hear about the memories they have of Craig. It’s so nice for the kids to meet people they don’t know, but have shared memories of their Dad. Though everyone in Day Hospice is facing their own challenges, they were all genuinely moved by what happened to Craig. It’s a loving legacy for us as his family to know he made a difference.
We wouldn’t be where we are if it wasn’t for the support of KEMP. They have helped to carry us through the worst of times and to know they are there at the end of the phone if I need them is such a help and comfort. I really want to share our story, to help raise awareness of the services that are available to people. It’s clear at KEMP that although the team are here to do a job, it’s more than that to them, they genuinely care about every person they encounter.
I can’t change our story, but I hope in sharing it, it helps even just one person to realise the amazing support that KEMP Hospice can offer, and the range of services that are available.“